Panic Attack

Throughout the entire bar prep period, I've been fairly good. Sure, I spend the occasional 2 hours watching a movie, take a few breaks to check e-mail and facebook, and had lunch a couple times with friends, but overall I've diligently kept my nose in the books. I've adhered as closely as possible to bar/bri's paced program, practiced countless MBE questions, outlined for every subject and made flaschards, reviewed said outlines and flashcards, outlined essays, simulated essays, reviewed all my wrong answers to both the MBE and the essays, practiced performance tests, and modified my outlines.

Now, it is crunchtime. There are only 10 days left until the bar exam. And I am freaking out. Not for any of the typical bar-inducing stress related heart attacks such as the, OMG I'm never going to remember the rules to Prop 8 or, I can't differentiate hearsay exemptions from hearsay exceptions. Instead, I'm freaking out because I've lost focus. Although I'd planned to spend crunchtime simulating essays, I've lost all ability to focus and concentrate. I can't sit through an essay and just write it. Last weekend, I was an essay writing machine, writing out nearly a dozen and a half essays and reviewing the answers. Today, I could barely get through one.

Professor Honigsberg claims that "no one has every failed the bar because they took time off from studying." Part of me thinks I just need a break. But I'm afraid that if I do, I'll never get back into study mode, that I'll just let myself slide off into distractions and will lose focus forever. I'm afraid that I'll lose valuable study time and will never learn the California distinctions for Evidence, Professional Responsibility, Wills and Civil Procedure. I don't know what to do . . . bang my head against a wall and hope I'm retaining something and learning anything from all this, or take some time off and just trust that after a day or so, I will be able to throw myself back into studying and really buckle down.

Whatever I decide, I better do it fast because my stress level is rising exponentially by the minute.

Advice #1: Sign up for bar/bri the first semester of your 1L year

Today was the last day of bar/bri. The last day of the bar prep class I paid $3500 to take. On the one hand, I know I couldn't have done it all on my own, especialy considering that I hadn't taken a number of bar subjects -- my school didn't even offer one in Community Property. But on the other hand, I wonder if it was really worth over three grand. I received poor feedback on my graded essays with often illegible comments and watched video lectures only -- no in person, live lectures. So was it worth it? Probably not. I say this not because of my five hundred complaints about bar/bri, but because of the fact that I overpaid for my course.

Aside from the fact that there are a number of "botique" bar prep courses out there that charge a lot less (I'm still glad I took bar/bri . . . most people take it and it has a decent reputation), I overpaid because I didn't sign up for the class my 1L year. Had I signed up the first semester first year of law school instead of the summer before my third year, I would have locked-in the 2005 rate of $2800. Instead, since I signed up last summer (just in time for the MPRE!) the course cost me $3436.50 (why such an odd number? Because, apparently the bar prep is taxed). And my friends who waited until their final semester of law school to sign up for bar/bri? They ended up paying $3800. By signing up our first year, they could have saved themselves $1000. With those savings, they could pay for their post-bar trip (that pretty much everyone I know is taking).

At the time, I thought signing up for bar/bri was too expensive. How was I going to afford $2800 my first year of law school when you're supposed to focus on school? I planned to work my third year of law school (and ended up with two jobs) to help defray costs so why not wait until my 3L year to sign up for bar/bri? Also, I didn't know if I was going to take the bar in California, Massachussetts, New York, etc... and thought it would be a hassle to switch states.

As it turns out, I should have researched my options a little better. There is no hassle to switch states. You make one phone call to bar/bri (their corporate office is super nice) and it's done. You'll lock in whatever price the course for that particular state was at the time you signed up for bar/bri, even if you end up switching to another state. Also, you don't need to pay the full course amount all at once. You only need to make a $200 deposit and end up receiving additional material such as the first-year review books, an MPRE book, and a couple of upper-level outlines as well. You can make payments throughout law school or can simply pay the remainder in March (before they start applying late fees in April).

So, if you're still in law school, SIGN UP FOR BAR/BRI TODAY. Do NOT wait until the month before you graduate. All it takes is $200 which ends up going to the cost of the course anyway.

Speaking of costs and finances, Brunette on a Budgette has some fantastic advice on student loan debt. She has some great financial advice generally and you may want to check it out (erm . . . post-bar, that is . . . after all, I know no one else is wasting time during these valuable 2 remaining weeks, right?)

I'm going to feel like a moron if I fail this thing...

Despite California's depressingly low bar passage rate (lowest in the nation), I'm going to feel like a complete idiot if I fail the bar this summer. Why? Because Professor Honigsberg told us ten different stories about how all sorts of bad things have happened to people he has known and they've all passed the bar. From having surgery just a week before the bar, to major depression, to being loaded on sleeping pills . . . it's apparently still possible to pass the bar exam. Then, you have the Wills and Trusts guy, Professor Ira Shafiroff basically saying the exact same thing. He told us about how he blew a contract essay and a torts essay on the first day, missing huge issues and making up the law. (BTW, he is now the fourth bar/bri professor who gave us the advice: "If you don't know the correct rule to apply, just make up something that sounds reasonable.") He also broke out into hives during lunch on the first day which continued throughout the bar exam. And he still passed. So moral of these stories as far as I can tell? Only morons fail the California bar exam.

I don't buy that for a second, though. Every year, about a quarter of the students from my law school fail the bar exam. I look at the students I went to school with for the past three years, the ones who are here in California prepping for July 29, 30 and 31 and I know that they are studying hard, working on essays and MBE questions, staying up late to outline. But 1 in 4 of them will not pass. I really couldn't even hazard a guess as to which of us will pass and which of us will fail.

I'm terrified that I'm going to be one of the ones who does not pass. My MBE score sucks (I'm generally terrible at multiple choice exams) and I'm just barely hanging in there with the essays. Forget about the damn performance test . . . after practicing a couple, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get creamed on that thing. Especially if I have to draft an affidavit or an opening statement or something.

And writing this post is giving me an anxiety attack.

Back to practicing more essays . . .

Graded Essays

So far, I've received passing grades on most of my essays. How accurate these "passes" are is unclear, however, given that at least one of bar/bri's answer misstated the law. Now, this determination that bar/bri incorrectly stated the law is not coming from my often faulty memory regarding the correct rules, etc... No, this determination is coming directly from my class notes. And from the Conviser Mini-Review. And from the long bar/bri outlines. So either the bar/bri graded essays book is lying to me or the other three bar/bri created materials are. Don't these people consult with each other? Shouldn't the person (or people) who write the outlines for a given subject also write the model answer for essays on that given subject?

I'm pretty scared about the essay portion of the exam. I'm scared about the entire thing, to tell the truth. But the essays frighten me to death because what if I simply don't know the law? What if I get a Rule Against Perpetuities question? Other than rambling something off about 21 years, my only option is to make up the law? This is the advice I get from bar/bri?

And despite the fact that bar/bri says my essays are "passing" there's always some caveat at the end. "Pass, BUT do this next time," or "Pass, but you were off point on section 2." I feel like I'm just barely passing which is not good, considering that I'm also just barely passing the MBE portion of the exam. On the actual bar exam, what if I have a bad day? Or just an average day and don't get lucky with my guessing? Am I going to be a point away from passing the bar exam? I guess all I can do is work as hard as I can. Write at least an essay a day as Professor Honigsberg suggested, hopefully more. Throw in a performance exam here or there. And, of course, keep up with the MBE practice. Then prayer, lots of it.

By the way, it took me 15 business days to get back one of my graded essays. Supposedly they come back within 10 business days but "usually sooner." Usually sooner my ass. I pay how much for this sub-par service? Reminds me of my wonderful days with Kaplan . . .